A Letter To Sister, From Kairon Starcaller.

This was originally posted on Mario’s blog Reality Break, but since it ties in with our bi-weekly D&D game, I am posting it here too. You can read Kalamitee’s Journal Here and Morobunce’s Journal Here.

From Mario:

Our D&D games have started again and the tradition or getting a bit of extra role playing in through creative writing is also starting up. I actually missed the first session of this adventure with the group but that does not mean i have to sit out completely until next game 🙂

My dearest sister,

What an interesting night. More like interesting morning. As i had written you previously the starfall had happened last night as predicted. I had taken up my usual perch on the upper southern balcony at the arcane academy here in Arncor. I had also procured a fine bottle of wine and bit of pipeleaf to relax and enjoy an enchanting night. The Baneid starfall promised to be one of the finest in years. This balcony is truly the best part of this academy. The old fools still believe pouring over ancient tomes is the true way to power. Rituals and crude manipulation of the forces around us barely scratch the surface. Event the old astrology master didn’t know what was staring him right in the face. There are far more ancient and secret sources. I do love sitting up here listening to the silent song of the deep night, the ancient whispered names of the stars. Of course most of the overly superstitious population was cowering in their homes not because of course Bane’s night is a night of evil and no one wants to bring that upon their houses. I apologize for rambling again but as i was saying. Dawns light had come again dimming the vast reaches of the night and my bottle was empty and I was ready to turn in. Then out of no where a most motley crew making a great racket near the front gates of the city, and so early in the morning too. Through my watch-glass I observed an Eladrin cleric I believe, she wore the sigil of the moon Goddess Sehanine. She was leading a mage bound hand and foot. Come to think of it he looked familiar, I believe he was kicked out of this very academy some time ago. Must have fallen in with a bad crowd. Anyways she was leading a group of toughs, probably adventurers by the looks of them. A human woodsman, he looked more worried about entering the city than the other, most likely he feels more at home in a tree than in a nice feather bed. One appeared to be a halfling, rouge of some sort, his wary eye kept a lookout even while they were talking to the guards. This will shock you a bit the last in the group was a Teifling. She was a surprise i was not sure until she lowered her hood but unmistakable though she was in an absolute shamble her armor and weapons were in need of a thorough cleaning. Unfortunately I was a bit too far away to hear what exactly they were saying but the Captain of the Guard was soon called then the whole lot was marched off to see the magistrate. At that point the wine had worn off completely and weariness had won out over curiosity. Something tells me this will not be the last I see of this group. Well i should be off again the astrology master will likely need me to assist with his research and may want a report of last night’s starfall. Maybe I’ll make some inquiries later today. I look forward to hearing from you soon give mother my love.

Love Always

Kairon

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Kalamitee’s journal entry.

So to explain this – our bi-weekly D&D games have resumed! This time Scott is the DM! And, as I traditionally do, I do character “recaps” in the form of journals from my character’s point of view. Sometimes, a few things are left out, some slightly changed, and some things embellished to give it more of a flowing story type feel… This journal however is written by Colleen (Archer) Rodriguez – and her character, the Eladrin Cleric – Kalamitee Wolfsmoon!

Journal of Kalamitee Wolfsmoon, page 32.

Red, Green, Blue, Bronze, Gold, and Silver, the simple yet brilliant colors of the Ancient Dragons that rule Draconia, a continent equally divided into 6 pieces, regions based off the rule of each of the 6 Dragons. The Dragons preface that they are neither good nor evil, that all they seek is a willingness to maintain peaceful and orderly rule of their domains.

Among my race the Dragonkin are revered with awe and ion some cases fear. Many of the elders remember a time when the Dragonkin were not so kind and would give little thought of other races and creatures on the continent in their quest for gold and precious jewels.,

My name is Kalamitee Wolfsmoon and I am a Cleric of the Eladrin and have spent most of my years in the Feywild forests among the creatures of my Goddess Sehanine.

10 years past I left the Feywild, at the request of my parents, so that I may learn of the other races outside of our home and see the worlds and maybe even the various regions of the Dragonkin.

The land outside of the Feywild was vast and vacillated from beautiful fields, mountains and forests to desolate arid deserts not to mention cities and towns laid out precariously and at random by the Human Race. Some of the humans, such as those in the smaller towns, were welcoming and friendly to travelers regardless of their race, whereas the humans of the larger towns, keeps and cities tended to look down upon me with scorn and ire. How so many people could live in the conditions that the city dwellers did, was beyond me. The stench of the bodies and waste enclosed in narrow winding streets and allies was way too much for me to handle and I made sure to arrive and depart as quickly as I could, occasionally stopping at the local Clerics’ hovel to greet my colleagues and maybe learn a new skill or two.

At the town of Lochlainn, while visiting the local Clerics’ hovel I was told of a city called Ancor where there was Cleric’s School that they thought that I may grow in my studies at. Though I was not fond of the human cities, the next morning I packed my small backpack and headed off towards the North.

Towards dusk of my third day of traveling I came upon an Oasis with a merchant there selling wood and food. Since he was the only merchant there, his prices were quite steep I was able to barter 13 logs for the fire for 10 gold. With the sun sinking quickly I prepared the fire and asked the Ranger stand off in the shadows to spare some fire from his pipe to light it ablaze. Once the warmth of the fire began to emanate a bit beyond the ring, the other travelers began to relax and take part of the warmth. The Ranger who introduced himself as Alek Redmont was a human male who kept to himself and spoke very little. Next to him stood a Tiefling Warrior name Zerkorza Zaidai who spoke even less. The last of the travelers was a Halfling Thief….sorry Rogue (just a fancy name for thief if you ask me), name Morobunce Greenhills. The other travelers had moved off into their own groups earlier in the evening which left just the 4 of us at the fire. After the merchant had packed up his wares and left for the evening we all agreed that it might be good to set a watch for the night.

Alek and Morobunce took the first and second shifts respectively, and once they turned in Zerkorza took over. While on her watch she heard chanting, but it quickly faded when she stood to investigate. Returning to her seat near the fire, she resumed her watch and then chanting came again. This time the chanting was close enough that it pulled at the edges of my trance and alerted me to potential danger. As I exited my trance, we were approached by three armed strangers. Alek and Morobunce were knocked unconscious when they started to wake at the commotion caused by Zerkorza who was still near the firering. I has used my Feystep abilities to move back into the shadows to see where the chanting was coming from and that was the last thing I remembered until I came to in the most uncomfortable position tied down onto a stone slab.

In the dim light torchlight I could see the walls were lined with skulls that seemed to hold not only secrets, but unanswered screams and cries of torment. Others gave you the feeling that there was something otherworldly watching you waiting for your demise. There were 4 stone tables in the circular room, each containing grooves for bloodletting. I could see that the Ranger and Halfling were tied down much like I was, and the ropes from the 4th table had been broken apart and laid upon the floor in shreds. I could hear the Ranger struggling to get free from his binds, not knowing if they had been enchanted or not I tried to Feystep away and found myself going nowhere. (That answered that question, didn’t it?) I gave a good yank on my arm ropes and they came apart, from there I proceeded to undo my leg restraints and then went over to help the poor ranger with his.

I asked Alek if he knew where the Warrior had gone and he just shrugged and said he had no idea, but wondered if she had wandered down the open doorway that was dimly lit. He then asked if we wanted to go look for the Warrior or free the Halfling who was still unconscious on the table. I yanked on the upper ropes holding down the Halfling who came to as we struggled to get him untied. Once free we decided that we would explore the hallway and see if the Warrior had exited through there or if she had been taken off to her own demised or , running away leaving us to our own demise at the hands of the religious nuts that were probably on the other side of the door where the chanting was coming from.

Much to the surprise of the party, we found the Warrior rummaging around in a barracks room.

“Were you trying to escape without freeing us?” asked the Halfling.

The Warrior turned, startled. “No,” she said rather quickly. “I was looking for our weapons and armor.”

Something in the Thief’s eyes and body language told me that she was lying. I guess I couldn’t really blame her for trying to take flight. After all, when you wake up starting a skulls stripped of flesh & muscle starting at you with empty eye sockets from the walls of a dimly lit room, while being tied to a bloodletting stone, you’re first reaction it to get out of there as fast as possible, plus Warriors aren’t always known for doing much more than charging into whatever is coming at them. I couldn’t have left anyone behind though, too much of my upbringing and the fact that the pack mentality of the wolf courses through my veins, it would have bothered me for eons.

As we rummaged through the room looking for something to use as a makeshift weapon I turned around and came face to face with an alter with an image of the God of War, Bane. As I told the history of Bane and how it was his desire to rule and enslave the world while crushing his opponents and non-believers of his rule, the Halfling sneered in disgust and flung the idol across the room.

After ransacking the room and finding nothing of use aside from a makeshift club that the Ranger made from a bed leg, we headed back up the hall. We could hear chanting from the door opposite the room and the faint smell of copper came from the door to our right. Taking a chance we entered that door and began to walk down the hallway, the coppery smell of blood growing thicker the closer we got to the door at the end of the hall.

As soon as we opened the door and saw the skinned, beheaded bodies hanging from the rafters with our gear piled off to the left of the room. The smell hit us all and Alek doubled over and began to vomit, followed soon by the rest of us. It took everything we had to grab out gear and run back up the hallway to the room with the tables. After taking inventory of our gear, we redressed and rearmed ourselves and made our way to the third door. Morobunce checked for and disarmed the traps that had been placed and we started to make our way down the hall when we came to a second door where the chanting was much louder. The Thief again checked and disarmed the traps at the door and peered in. He counted 6 cult members in a circle around a sconce chanting in some foriegn tongue.

Closing the door he reported what he saw and we formulated a plan of attack. I could see in the Halflings eyes that this was not something that he was thrilled with doing, but he knew it was a necessity for us to survive. Slowly he opened the door and disappeared into the shadows momentarily before springing on the first cult member, and digging his knife deep into his back. From there we all moved into the door as a well formed unit. I took out one of them with my cross bow and then Alek and Zerkorza took out three more. We tried to break the final member from his trance to no avail and in finally put a crossbow bolt through his neck ending his chanting. As the 1st cultist fell we noticed the sconce began to close on a reptilian hand and you could hear the agonizing, yet angry scream as the portal closed.

Taking a moment to regroup and piece together what was going on, we turned and headed down the wide hallway on the opposite side of the room, each step bringing us closer to a door where we could see daylight peering through.

Morobunce checked the door for traps again and disarmed a very nasty poisoned needle trap before peering out the door noticing a caravan of three men sitting on their packs. As we came out the door the men jumped up and stood there in shock as we exited into the sunlight. I recognized one of the men from the Oasis and approached him trying to be diplomatic and negotiate information from them to no avail. They clearly didn’t want to give us any information other than the price of 1000 Gold on each of our heads that they were to be paid by the Cultists. They then drew their weapons to attack, the third member of their party staying toward the back of the group. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was a Mage of some sort and that he was preparing to cast spells against us. I tried to counter his spells with a few of my own, but I was not yet experienced with my magic and I missed my quarry a few time. Morobunce went after the Mage with a fury equal to not other and with no regard to himself or his life.The Mage went to cast one last spell, unaware of his surroundings he took a step back into a puddle of water and his spell rebounded into him knocking him down. Just as the Halfling was about to fall, I cast a healing spell to keep him on this side of the grave, he was a brave soul despite being a thief.

Exhausted and injured the Mage explained that he and his companions had been approached by the Cult member to capture us and deliver them to this secret location. They were to await payment from the Cult upon the completion of our demise and were astounded to see us exit the cavern door.

Alek and Zerkorza wanted to leave him to a tree, but even that was too cruel for us to do, so we decided to bring him with us to the city of Ancor. I took his wand and his spell book although it was encoded in text that only the Mage himself could decipher.

Upon arriving at the City, we were stopped by the guardsmen who wanted us to surrender our weapons and queried why we had the Mage bound. Not believing our story, I requested that we speak with the Captain of the Guard wherein we turned over the Mage, who was as well known felon and was wanted for his actions of kidnapping and other dubious deeds.

After speaking further with the Captain of the Guard about the Cultists and their locations, a runner was sent and we were informed that we were to go see the Magistrate. Tired, hungry and in much need of a bath we all protested, but our grumbling was ignored.

We were escorted by one of the Guards to the Magistrate’s office where we again told our story of our encounter with the Cult. He then sat there for a moment taking it all in and then turned to us and asked if we would be interested in taking on a few jobs at the request of the Magistrate. We all looked at each other and shrugged, wondering if we could really take on the jobs and work together as a cohesive unit. Warily we accepted his offer and were rewarded with training from each of our respective Guild houses and the promise of pay.

While I should have been happy at the prospect, all I really wanted was a comfortable bed and a hot bath.

After I acquired those and some dinner at the Cleric’s Guild House, I laid in bed and wondered just what I had gotten myself into and if I could trust those that I would be traveling with.

Also See: Morobunce Greenhills Journals, Page 42.
Also See: Kairon Starcaller’s Letter

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The Journals of Morobunce Greenhills, Page 42.

So to explain this – our bi-weekly D&D games have resumed! This time Scott is the DM! And, as I traditionally do, I do character “recaps” in the form of journals from my character’s point of view. Sometimes, a few things are left out, some slightly changed, and some things embellished to give it more of a flowing story type feel… Anyway, here’s the beginning of our adventure told from my character’s point of view, who you might have guessed is named Morobunce Greenhills…

The Journals of Morobunce Greenhills, Page 42.

Draconia is a world ruled by The Dragons. Split by the Order of Six, the Draconians that rule the world are Ancient Dragons of Red, Green, Blue, Bronze, Gold, and Silver. Though the Dragons claim that there is no “good” or “evil” among the Dragonkin, only a desire to maintain order and peace – there is an old saying among my people, “It is not power itself that corrupts, but the fear of losing such power.”

Those the Order of the Six maintain that they have only peaceful intentions, I am full of doubt. Ancient texts speak of Dragons of Old, whose avarice for gold could be compared to a dehydrated man’s thirst for water.

Most who have been to Shallow Hills, know the name Greenhills. My family is one of the wealthiest among the Halflings. They gladly harvest food for the Armies of the Green Draconian, and hand over their hard work and harvest to their armies, in exchange for fancy bobbles and sometimes even coin. I was destined to do the same, but that is not the life I wanted for myself.

I did not want to work – almost borderline slave away – for another, for simple trinkets and toys. Despite my family’s background and wealth, I left that life behind and did what so few of my kind do – and ventured into the World.

It did not take long for me to soon discover that the World outside of Greenhills was not an easy one. Human Cities sprang about the land like jagged stones, with their towering walls in an attempt to safe guard themselves, marring the land and twisting it to their needs.

But it was within these human cities, that smelled of sewers and filth that I had to learn to survive. Being as small as I was, it was easy to move about, and acquire certain things I had needed to survive. I wasn’t pleased with myself, lowering myself down to stealing in order to survive. But I did not want to live off my family’s money. I wanted to make it on my own. But among humans, Halflings seemed to have little use.

My pride forced me to refuse the idea of ever returning home. Not until I had gone out into the world and left my own mark.

So I spent weeks like this; surviving by stealing. I learned to be quite good at the skill, until I was caught – but not by the one whom I had stolen the fruit from; but another. He introduced himself as a human by the name of Avathan. He explained that I did not have to be alone; there were others, like me, whom society had deemed to turn their backs on, who were forced to survive as I had.

He led me through a maze of alleyways, and side doors, through ancient buildings, that appeared as if they might collapse with just the slightest breeze, until we reached a small sewer entrance. Within there, we walked in the dark for several hundred feet, before he tugged on what appeared to be a rusted ladder. I heard a series of clicks and whirls, and suddenly, part of the concrete slid away, revealing a passage within.

Despite the entrance into this lair, the inside was lined with beautiful rugs, and glistening objects. Avathan explained that this was the Thieves Guild; or as he romantically calls it, “The Adventurer’s Hall.” Here, there were people of all walks of life – of every race, of every color – from other Halflings, to humans, to elves, half-elves, even Tieflings – and one dwarf (though I could not tell if the Dwarf was male or female; a common problem I have with Dwarf-ilk).

As there was a mixture of races among the Thieves Guild, there was also a mixture of personality as well as reason for stealing. Someone stole, simply to survive. Some stole, because they enjoyed the thrill. Some stole, simply because they could not fight the impulse. All of them, however, made payments to the thieves guild in some form or fashion – whether it was food, trinkets, or gold. Those items, were then recycled back into the Thieves Guild – to pay for Thieves to do specific jobs, should they choose to accept it.

After several weeks of doing various jobs for Avathan, he finally approached me and explained that he had another job for me – one that took me out of Stonepeak – and into the city of Ancor. There was a Guild Master there by the name of ‘Teacher.’ (Somehow I doubt that was his real name; but he respected his privacy enough not to want his name known, even among the Circle of Thieves and Rogues – after all, there is a saying among them here that, “There Is No Honor Among Thieves” and “Every Secret Has Its Price – One Need Only Find It.”)

I agreed to go to Ancor to meet this ‘Teacher.’ My first day out of Stonepeak, I met with another caravan of would be adventurers, that seemed to range from warriors, holy soldiers, and outdoorsmen. Our first night, we stopped at an Oasis, where – in the awkward silence, several spoke to make conversation. I met Alek Redmont, who was a Human Ranger; Kalamitee Wolfsmoon, an Eladrin Cleric; and Zerkorza Zaidai, a Tiefling Warrior, who sat nearest to me.

The small caravan was broken into several small circles of strangers talking amongst themselves. The four of us agreed to make a rotating watch for the night. Zerkorza apparently awoke to hear the sounds of chanting; she woke Kalamitee – and before we knew it, we found ourselves attacked by some form of religious fantatics. I was rendered unconscious only to awaken who knows how much longer – by the cleric who had snapped my ropes.

Neither the Ranger nor the Cleric knew where the Warrior had gotten off to. Was she already taken? The stone beds we were tied to had ridges for bloodletting. Where ever we were, it was not a good place. (But then, when is it a good place when they knock you out and tie you up to a bed unwillingly?) We searched for clues within the room. The walls were lined with and endless row of skulls, whose empty sockets seemed to be watching with hatred.

One door had the sound of chanting coming from it; the other had a strange odor – the third door was open, leading down a hallway where we could see a light. There was no sounds coming from that direction. It seemed to be the safest of choices – I took the front, searching for traps or anything along the hallway.

Much to our surprise, we found the Warrior rummaging through the room. “Were you trying to escape without freeing us?” I asked.

The startled Warrior turned, looked surprised, “No,” she said rather quickly. “I was looking for our weapons and armor.”

I watched her expression. She was lying. She was trying to escape without even getting the rest of us out there. I wonder, would I have done the same? Awakened in a strange place, with skulls, and a stone tablet that had bloodletting ridges?

No. I would have awaken the others. If there’s one thing I have learned, is that the Lone Wolf will die without the Pack.

We continued to rummage through the room – the only thing of interest was a small icon – that the Cleric recognized as being a symbol of the god, Bane. Kalamitee, somewhat familiar with the evils of Bane, explained he was a God of War. However, his intention was not for warriors to call upon him during times of battle; but rather, to one day rule over all of the world himself, and crush all those who oppose him and believe in anything other than him, beneath his fiery heels.

I stared at the symbol of Bane and sneered in disgust. He was worse than the Order of the Six Draconians. At least they allowed everyone to believe what they wanted, so long as it did not interfere or conflict with their own ideas. Bane wanted everyone snuffed out, if they did not swear allegiance to him and him alone.

We left the room and returned to the bloodletting room, where we could still hear chanting down one hall. We continued down the third hall, until the scent of copper became extremely strong. This wasn’t going to go well – I could already tell. It was the smell of blood.

Upon opening the door, Alek immediately began to vomit. The entire room was covered in blood splatter, and there were bodies whose heads had been severed and the flesh of their bodies peeled back.

It was in this room, we recovered our weapons and armor and made our way back up to the bloodletting room, where I peered through the shut door and saw six occult members standing around a sconce. None of them seemed aware of our presence; I quickly explained, I would sneak in first and back stab the one closest; as soon as he would yell, the other were to charge in.

Stealthfully moving through the shadows, I approached the first one and dug my short deep through him. I abhor the idea of taking one’s life – but seeing the horrors I had seen today – I knew that there was no other choice. These men were vile – evil, down to their very core, without any hope of redemption.

The others immediately charged into the room. We moved, for the first time, as a cohesive unit. We were aware of one another’s presence, and made the best of every attack. Perhaps because the dark summoners were so entranced with their chanting – which turned out to be some kind of summoning spell, because as the last one fell, a demonic hand reached through just before it closed – a deep, chilling voice, screaming in denial as the mystical doorway sealed.

We made our way further through the room and discovered a hallway that led out. But as I peered outside, I suspected there was more to these three men and their small caravan. After all, why would they be camped right outside the cave’s entrance – unless they were a part of the cult – or if they were the mercenaries that delivered us to the Cult of Bane.

When we stepped outside, Kalamitee tried to be diplomatic – trying to find out who they were and why we were captured; but by the shocked expression by these men, they clearly had no interest in speaking and wanted to silence us. Immediately another fight broke out, and as the others concentrated on the two warriors, my eyes focused on the one who appeared to be a mage – or some dark summoner.

The mage used a number of spells to stun us and disorient us; but that did not slow me down. He had struck me with several spells as I pursued him through the forest, leaving me close to death. Just as it seemed my last breath would escape my lungs, I heard Kalamitee behind me whisper a prayer to her goddess; and a light filled me. My wounds healed, and the mage, who had been cut and beaten, finally surrendered.

He explained that he had been paid by the Cult of Bane to capture us and bring us to them. They had been awaiting payment outside the Cult’s cavern when we came out and surprised them. We debated leaving the mage to die, tied to a tree – but knew it would be better to bring him with us, alive, to the city of Ancor.

We arrived in the City and turned the Mage over to the local authorities who were well of aware of his actions, but had never been able to catch him. Even more interesting – they offered us a job to work for the city cleaning up similar riff raff.

Things, I feel, are only just beginning to get interesting…

See Also: Journal of Kalamitte Wolfsmoon, Page 32.
Also See: Kairon Starcaller’s Letter

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Make It Feel Like The Very First Time!

Get your mind out of the gutter, people! There’s not much room for me AND you guys in there! What I meant was, for most of you (save for the insane like my good friend Colleen Archer – who exposed herself – {again, get your mind out of the gutter!} – to powering through Season One, Two and Three in like one week!) – most of you probably haven’t watched these videos in a very long time! So to make it easy for you, I have made them as Playlists on Youtube! So go on – go watch them again – and make it feel like the very first time! (And by all means, SHARE this link on your Facebook, Twitter, etc and get your friends, family and if they can manage it – your family pets too! – to watch these!)

Season One Play List On Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3LXflc9np4&list=PL6BA5D78B2514AD40

Season Two Play List On Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBzzNE6AQeA&list=PL8EC703166DD167C0

Season Three Play List On Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3lXi3A41GA&list=PLD10EA029CADE4536

Neverending Daze Play List On Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY87zYSU37Q&list=PLbRG7dzFI-u37NjKYtfOMc2TvEPT7cHLf

– Tawmis

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In A Galaxy Not So Far Away: The Episode Menace.

When Star Wars: Phantom Menace movie trailer began showing; we assembled to do a Star Wars themed “Special Episode” of Neverending Nights. Unfortunately, we never got the time to pull it together and record the lines before the movie actually came out. (I won’t even get started about Phantom Menace…) At any rate, with the series now completed – there’s a few things I have had locked up that I am now willing to share. This is one of them – the episode that would have been released the same day Phantom Menace was, had we got our stuff together…

=================

 

 

NEVERENDING NIGHTS: SIDE QUEST: “IT’S THE DARK SIDE…”

 

(Fade In)

 

GARIFF

… and if you don’t know she’s your sister, does it count?

 

KABEWSE

Well, she did kiss HIM first, so…

 

ALAN THE ASTOUNDING

Okay! Okay! Now you have to say: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they’ve obtained.

 

POPPY THE SALT VENDOR

What? Look, I’m just here to sell salt…

 

ALAN THE ASTOUNDING

Just say it!

 

POPPY THE SALT VENDOR

Um, okay. Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they’ve obtained.

 

ALAN THE ASTOUNDING

Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of Alan the Astounding! (Alan the Astounding passes out right after saying that)

 

POPPY THE SALT VENDOR

Er… Okay. (Clears throat) Salt! Salt for sale! Your salt needs are my concern! Have some popcorn with your salt! Salt… salt for sale!

 

AMIEE THE ARMORER

Get your fan ware here! Shirts, pants, hats, masks! Get your Darth Vader armor here! Get your C3P0 armor! Nice and golden! Get your wookie fur here! All at the fraction of a price!

 

(Grayson and Peter walk up at the end of the massive line)

 

GRAYSON

Well, we’re here… but you know what I can’t believe? We were lost in the woods for two days! Two friggin’ days!

 

 

 

PETER

Was it two days? It certainly didn’t feel like two days. But I got us here didn’t I?

 

GRAYSON

No Peter. No, you didn’t. We took a coach to get here.

 

PETER

Well I found the coach, didn’t I?

 

GRAYSON

Okay. “Found” and “got run over by” are two very different things. When you’re standing in the middle of the road saying you found some unusual “snake” tracks – tracks that were actually to the coach – then, yes, I suppose you did find it. Just seconds before it nearly ran you over.

 

PETER

I kick rocks.

 

GRAYSON

Sometimes Peter, I wonder why I didn’t push you in front of the coach. Whatever the case may be, Mr. I Kick Rocks, you cost us the front of the line seats.

 

PETER

It should be fine. We’ll have great seats. Did you get the tickets?

 

GRAYSON

Did I what? You had the tickets!

 

PETER

I did? Really?

 

GRAYSON

Seriously – do you have attention deficit disorder? (PETER: What’s attention deficit disorder?) My coin purse got torn while I was pulling you from under the coach and I gave you the tickets to hold onto. Don’t you remember that?

 

PETER

You know what. I am remembering that. Come to think of it, those did resemble our movie tickets, didn’t they?

 

GRAYSON

They resembled? What do you mean they resembled our movie tickets?

 

PETER

Well, I kinda thought… well, since we were taking the coach that they might be… uh, coach tickets.

 

(Long pause)

 

GRAYSON

Coach tickets?! So we paid them 10 gold and bought tickets to ride their coach? Does that even make any sense to you?

 

PETER

No, I suppose it doesn’t. I wonder why we had to pay them 10 gold on top of having our coach tickets?

 

GRAYSON

For the love of Sacul! Peter those were not coach tickets you gave them! Those were our movie tickets!

 

PETER

Oh! I see what you’re saying now. I gave them our movie tickets…

 

GRAYSON

Well… great. Now what?

 

PETER

We could go buy some more I guess?

 

GRAYSON

Yeah, I am sure the most anticipated movie since Episode 2 has plenty of seats left. Good plan there, Peter. You know what – wait – I have an idea. How much gold do we have?

 

PETER

Like… 3 gold or so? Maybe some silver. Lots of copper. I haven’t really counted up the copper, because no one ever seems to use –

 

GRAYSON

(Cuts Peter off) 3 gold. Got it.  Follow me. (Short Pause) And just… don’t talk.

 

(Grayson and Peter walk down the line to the goblins)

 

BOB THE GOBLIN

Tickets! Get your tickets here!

 

CHARLIE THE GOBLIN

Best seats in the house!

 

GRAYSON

Hey, so you’re selling tickets?

 

BOB THE GOBLIN

Yeah. Got tickets right here.

 

ALBERT THE GOBLIN

No checks or credit cards accepted!

 

GRAYSON

What? Seriously – okay, how much are tickets?

 

BOB THE GOBLIN

10 gold each. No bartering or haggling.

 

GRAYSON

10 gold each?! Are you insane? I can get them tomorrow for like 3 silver!

 

BOB THE GOBLIN

Yeah, but by tomorrow spoilers will be all over. It will be impossible not getting it spoiled for you. No matter where you look or who you talk to they will want to talk about it. Good or bad. It’s going to be everywhere. So consider this a small fee to save yourself from being spoiled. Besides, they’re the best seats in the house!

 

GRAYSON

Best seats in the house? It’s GENERAL ADMISSION! You know, that means you sit where you can! No assigned seating!

 

BOB THE GOBLIN

Yeah, and the way the movie seats are set up, every seat is the best seat in the house! So technically we’re not lying!

 

GRAYSON

Forget it. Come on Peter, we will find another way.

 

 (Cut back to Grayson and Peter)

 

PETER

Well that didn’t work out.

 

 

 

GRAYSON

Thanks for the news flash. I realize that, thank you very much. I’m thinking, I’m thinking…

 

PETER

Oh! Hey! There’s my uncle! Hey! Hey! Uncle! It’s me, Peter!

 

GRAYSON

Hey. Just what is your uncle’s name?

 

PETER

(Brief Pause) You know what. I actually don’t know.

 

GRAYSON

You don’t know your uncle’s name?

 

PETER

Shhh. Here he comes.

 

PETER’S UNCLE

Hey you two! I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it – no one had heard from you in two days!

 

PETER

Yeah. We, uh, took the scenic route.

 

GRAYSON

You got us freakin’ lost.

 

PETER’S UNCLE

I see. So you two going to catch Episode III?

 

GRAYSON

We were going to, until one of us gave the tickets away on accident.

 

PETER

They looked like coach tickets to me!

 

GRAYSON

Really? Coach tickets that said MagicPlex 3000 in big gold letters on the front of them?

 

PETER’S UNCLE

Good ol’ Peter. Sharp as a spoon sometimes. Well I don’t want you two to miss it. Especially now that you look like heroes in your new flashy armor. (Uncle walks off)

 

PETER

I wonder what he’s doing over there.

 

GRAYSON

(Sarcastic) Maybe he’s going to dance with them…

 

PETER

Oh! You think so?

 

PETER’S UNCLE

Peter, come over here.

 

(Peter walks up to his uncle then walks back over to Grayson)

 

PETER

Whoa! He bought us tickets!

 

GRAYSON

That kicks ro-(pronounced “raw” – short for “rocks” Cuts himself off before saying the phrase). That’s very cool of him.

 

PETER

You almost said it!

 

GRAYSON

I did not. Hey wait. The stub on mine is torn!

 

PETER

What? Uncle! This ticket has a torn stub!

 

PETER’S UNCLE

(To the goblins) Hey, what are you trying to pull on us?

 

BOB THE GOBLIN

What? Fine, fine… here.

 

PETER’S UNCLE

Okay, here’s another ticket. You two have fun and good luck with the rest of your quest to become ‘heroes.’

 

GRAYSON

Thanks! Once we get our 20k each, we will pay you back!

 

PETER

All right, now that we have tickets we can stand in line!

 

GRAYSON

Sweet, this movie is going to kick ro-… er, this movie is going to rule.

 

PETER

You almost said it again.

 

GRAYSON

Will you lay off that? You know, Pawl the Dorf is supposed to meet us in line. He should have been here by now. Where the heck is he?

 

PETER

Oh, I am sure he will be here. No way would he miss Episode III. He said he had a map with him.

 

GRAYSON

Oh no…

 

(Cut to Pawl the Dorf in front of a Porn Theater)

 

PAWL THE DORF

Yeah baby yeah! Episode 3! Whooo hooo! Episode 3! YEAH!

 

ANDREA

Hey there, big boy! Looking for a good time?

 

PAWL THE DORF

You bet I am! This going to be great!

 

ANDREA

Enthusiasm, I love that in a man.

 

PAWL THE DORF

Oh, no. I don’t have enthusiasm. That’s Grayson. Always rasping for breath.

 

ANDREA

Well… how much gold do you have?

 

PAWL THE DORF

Oh, I brought a lot of gold with me! I am going to buy a ton of toys!

 

ANDREA

Oh. So you like toys do you?

 

 

PAWL THE DORF

Oh yeah! I love toys!

 

ANDREA

Good, then follow me.

 

PAWL THE DORF

Sweet! You got a good seat?

 

ANDREA

You could say that…

 

(Post Credits)

 

PAWL THE DORF

WHOA! Those are not Death Stars!

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